March 12, 2009

  • My what a large head you have ......

    All the better to think with? or so you would think.  So as some of you recall I have been fighting migraines for the better part of a year now, I have been on daily meds since I dunno june or so had a leave of absense from work july to sept had a CT scan sometime after that.... on that they thought they seen enlarged ventricles.... so I was scheduled for an MRI in february.... got those results end of february I most definetly do have enlarged ventricles....

    Now for those that don't kow this is where the fluid that cusions your brain resides, most of the time it circulates and is reabsorbed or something along those lines...pardon me my memory is shot. for me mine apparently just keeps being made... there is a possibility of a blockage in one of those wonderful ventricles, so now I have to go see a neurosurgeon in Kingston. 

     However since its a specialist lord knows how long I will actually wait, so far two weeks.  It's a stressful time in my life not that all of the events leading up to this weren't stressful however the possibilty of having to have a shunt inserted into my brain cavity to drain the fluid is scary as all hell! 

    And my work? just another day at the office they couldn't care less I spent almost 2 days at home with a migraine that was really set off by someone wearing scents but do they enforce that policy? nope.. it's frustrating it's like walking around with a ticking timebomb on your shoulders yet I'm the only one who hears the ticking..

    I just want to go back to normal or at least as close as I can get I'm sick of nap times and pills and dark sunglasses on a cloudy day. I work 4 hours a day from 12-4 I don't wake up until 9:30 I leave at 11 and by the time I get home I have no ambition or energy to do anything but drop my stuff feed the cat and curl up in my bed.  Then I screw myself like I did tonight by sleeping til like 9:30.

    I have a pile of dishes in the sink a pile of laundry in the bedroom and a damn near empty stomach. By the time I did wake up I was still groggy and tired it was too late for the laundry still no ambition for the dishes and who wants to cook for themselves? I hate it I really do.

    Some people find religion during times like these I don't I have friends and family and if it weren't for Aaron and mom and vee and dana and the rest I'm sure I would have given up by now.  But aaron he keeps me going because I know how much he cares I know its not going to scare him away he comes to evey appointment even if he has to take time off work and the one time he had to miss because his work was being dinks he made sure to belittle them and make sure they knew what he missed and that what they had done was wrong(the day I found out I had to go to a neurosurgeon) and he was there that night. I know that if I was stuck working 4 hours a day for the rest of my life he would still be here and he would still make it work somehow. He's my rock and I'm so glad I have him.

     

    But enough for tonight later Dayz

    Brandi